citizendetective | IC contact for lastvoyages

If I thought the worst of you, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

I wouldn't be talking about WHEN I'm going to talk to you.

I have killed people for less than what you did to Arthur.

So no, Misty, I don't think the worst of you. You need to get that out of your head. The evidence doesn't support it and every time you say it, it just sounds like you're ignoring all the ways I've tried to make it clear that isn't true.

You're accusing me of manipulating you for asking if you still think I only did this to mess with you. How is that not thinking the worst of me? It's also very hypocritical of you to be upset with me for not instantly believing what you say, when you're always questioning what *I* say.

Misty?

Get over this thing where you say I'm accusing you of things when I haven't said any such thing. I'm not accusing you of manipulating me. I'm pointing out that YOU are not the wounded party here. You are *literally* not the person wounded. I was. Arthur was.

And that ISN'T what you said: *you* accused me of believing something. Instead of asking me what I think, you decided what I think and then you put me in the position of defending myself and my thoughts.

If you want to know what I think, stop deciding beforehand and just ask me. If I haven't told you enough, ask about the things you want to know more about.

How is accusing me of playing the wounded party not accusing me of manipulating you?

I am TRYING to figure out what you think. I'm making GUESSES.

Because I don't think you're pointing out your hurt to manipulate me. I think you're pointing it out because you want to deal with it because it's bothering you.

Please stop trying to guess. Look at this whole conversation: how many times have I told you that what you guessed wasn't the truth?

If you want to know, just ask. I have no reason to lie to you.

But you have plenty of reasons to say that you won't tell me.

I do.

And yet, I keep talking to you. And I'm offering that.

[There's another pause between replies.]

I'll stop trying to guess if you stop trying to guess, because it's really clear that you're not right any more often than I am. No more accusing me of looking for things to use against you when that's not what I'm doing. If I ever do that, I'll be sure to tell you!

I can agree to that.

I might fuck up.

But I'll apologize. And I will mean it.

[... Oh. Huh. That was easier than she thought it would be.]

Fine.

...you'll recall this is what I wanted at the greenhouse.

I just want to be able to talk to you without us hurting one another.

And you'll recall that that's what I wanted, too.

So why didn't you agree then?

I tried. I told you to stay and talk. If I didn't want to patch things up with you, I would have told you to leave!

Wait.

I think I'm thinking of the first talk we had in the greenhouse.

You're thinking about the last one.

I left on the last one because I was too angry to hash anything out. I just would have said horrible things to you that I would have regretted more than the thing I *did* say.

Worse than saying you regretted being my friend? Things like that?

Yes, actually.

I say stupid, mean shit when I'm angry.

Well, I'd like to know what you would have said.

I don't know anymore. It's not like deep seated beliefs I'm hiding from you, Misty. It's mostly just whatever awful thing I think will hurt you most.

Like I said: awful shit.

I still think you should tell me, but fine. I'llr respect your privacy.

It probably would have been something about Natalie or Pagan since you care about them the most. Like I said, total bullshit, just something that would hurt. I don't think you were wishing for me or Arthur to disappear when you told me about how people disappear but you knew it would hurt after everything we talked about.

Same thing.

Did it hurt?

It was shocking, but I'll be honest and admit I'm not all that afraid of it happening, mostly because the King in Yellow couldn't separate us. I doubt the Admiral would.

But it mostly hurt that you decided to send that to me. Then it didn't hurt because I realized why you were doing it. Which isn't guessing. The really quiet and then agreeing to talk to me was kind of obvious.

[It would have been grimly satisfying to hear that she'd picked the right words to hurt him, in the way that it's always satisfying when she sets out to do something and does it well. It isn't satisfying at all to hear that he'd been hurt by her intent to hurt - on the contrary, it sends a little pang of guilt through her heart.]

It is guessing. It's just a guess that happened to be right.

I made that guess before the agreement. But you hadn't told me I was wrong, so I was still going with it. I won't guess again.

IC contact for lastvoyages

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