IC contact for lastvoyages

[citizendetective]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Misty's door.]

Comments

[greatoldjohn]

Yes.

As is talking to you.

I *have* missed you.

jfc self why

[citizendetective]

Don't you think it's weird that this is what made us talk again?

Re: jfc self why

[greatoldjohn]

It's been a week, Misty.

We were going to talk today anyway.

[citizendetective]

I know, but then this happened and I figured we'd never talk again.

I don't think it's weird, for the record. I'm just surprised that you don't.

[greatoldjohn]

...Arthur and I have been through some shit, Misty.

Not to minimize the shitty thing you two did but...

We're handling it.

[citizendetective]

You've gotten a lot more angry with me for a lot less, is my point.

[greatoldjohn]

Okay, first off? I want to be sure:

What do you think I've gotten angry at you about?

[citizendetective]

Didn't we already cover this? Misunderstandings, assumptions on both our parts, etcetera.

[greatoldjohn]

No, I don't think we did.

I talked about things I take issue with. But I want to know what you think I got angry at you for. I don't think assuming anything's been covered is a good idea. Because I only got angry once.

[citizendetective]

Okay.

Because Arthur didn't like me.

[greatoldjohn]

No, I was never angry at you for that. I also wasn't angry about it.

Disappointed, but not angry. And not in you. I know Arthur is difficult.

I also know he's willing to forgive others. So I knew it wasn't necessarily permanent.

And before you assume: it's still not necessarily permanent.

[citizendetective]

So am I, depending on the circumstances. Was it because you assumed I wasn't?

[greatoldjohn]

No, actually.

The only time I got angry was just before the talk.

When you broke the teacup I was scared and frustrated. When you pushed me away over the file, I was frustrated and hurt.

I only got angry when you assumed I don't care about Natalie or what happened to her. That I would ever minimize something like that. When you tried to tell me what I meant and what I felt.

Maybe you weren't thinking of it that way, but it was an easy way to get out of apologizing for something shitty you did. I've apologized a lot because I know I make mistakes. You never have. And warden or inmate, that's not fair.

I do feel bad about what I said, because it was cruel. I told you before that I say awful things when I'm angry. But I don't want to apologize yet, not right now, and not after the things you've done that haven't been addressed. I wouldn't feel it.

[citizendetective]

Well, I still don't like that you said it. And it worries me that you could say it, even out of anger.

[greatoldjohn]

It worries me that you could know that Arthur is blind and that he's been through things like you and Natalie and still bang, multiple times, even after you've been asked not to.

But either we accept that we've both had reactions the other one doesn't like or we're going to remain at a standstill.

[citizendetective]

Do you mean when I was banging on the table?

[greatoldjohn]

The cup and that, yes. Banging, smashing, anything that's loud and sudden; if I'm not there, he has no context for whether something is about to try and kill him.

That was the case for most of our time together.

[citizendetective]

I smashed the cup deliberately, to be cruel. But I smacked the table because I was frustrated. Honestly, I had forgotten I did it at all until now.

[greatoldjohn]

You did it again, slamming the communicator on the table, after you were asked not to. Was that deliberate?

[citizendetective]

No. I don't even remember being asked not to.

I was very worked up.

[Which is a difficult thing to admit to - she very nearly erases that line before pressing send.]

[greatoldjohn]

Okay. And do you think that you would have done it, after being asked not to, if you weren't worked up? Should I worry about you banging around him all the time, because you think it's okay to do that? Should I believe that you think it's okay to do that to him, to hurt him like that, to ignore his pain?

Or did you do something that has no real bearing on your normal thoughts while you were worked up?

...and yes, the comparison is intentional.

[citizendetective]

Do those two things really seem the same to you?

[greatoldjohn]

Tell me how they're different?

[citizendetective]

One is doing something without thinking. The other is thinking something and not meaning to say it out loud.

[greatoldjohn]

Is it?

Because I told you that wasn't what I did.

I have just as much assurance from you that you weren't being callous about Arthur as you have from me that that isn't an expression of what I think. But you expect me to believe you while you don't believe me.

Really, they're the same.