IC contact for lastvoyages

[citizendetective]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Misty's door.]

Comments

[citizendetective]

Lots of things can do that, John.

[greatoldjohn]

Okay, let me explain it in pieces.

When you feel things, you care about things. When you care about things, you're careful.

When you don't feel things, you don't care about things. And by extension, you aren't careful about them because they don't matter to you.

So if you love a collection of people, when you care about them, you'll protect them and do nice things for them and sometimes you'll be mad at them, but you always remember that they're important to you and you don't want to lose them.

When you don't care about them, the logical part of your mind says 'this is a thing that sometimes makes me unhappy' and the part that would normally say 'but they also make me happy and I want them to exist' isn't there to counter it. And then you murder everyone you know and ruin everything because it makes the most sense at that time.

And then you care again, and oh look, everyone you care about is dead. And you're miserable.

That is an extreme example, but that's roughly how it goes.

[citizendetective]

First of all, I wouldn't do it like that. And second of all, are you speaking from experience?

[greatoldjohn]

Yes.

You don't think you will. Because you're not in that place. And you can't switch back and forth on command.

Every time you switch? Your tolerance for the bad parts of a relationship goes down and it's more and more likely that you'll do something like that. Because those people become less and less real to you. They're just things that are supposed to make you happy and feel good.

They can't hurt you, so there's no consequences to hurting them.

So you can hurt them because you're annoyed.

You can hurt them because it's funny.

You can hurt them because of something they did so far in the past that you shouldn't care about it but you do because why not? It doesn't matter. They can't hurt you. And when the consequences come, you just shut that part off.

And they notice that they can't hurt you. It's unfair, that you can hurt them but they can't hurt you. So they stop caring too. But for them, it means that they don't want to have the good parts. They don't want to be around you. They leave.

But you don't like that. You want the good parts. And you want to be able to hurt them without them being able to hurt you. So you struggle.

And then they're dead.

[citizendetective]

Let me ask you a question, John: do you think I'm not speaking from experience, too?

[greatoldjohn]

You told me you can't do it. It's not something you can depend on. So no, you aren't.

I do think you're speaking from some experience. I always assume that. What else would you be speaking from?

[citizendetective]

Partial experience, then. What I mean is I'm not totally ignorant.

[greatoldjohn]

I never assume you're ignorant, Misty. But there is a big difference between that part and the whole.

I'm not telling you to discount your experience. I'm telling you as a warning because I don't want to see you do something you'll eventually regret.

[citizendetective]

You read Natalie's file, right? About our history?

[greatoldjohn]

I have.

[citizendetective]

Okay.

[That's all she says - no more questions there.]

And how is Arthur?

[greatoldjohn]

Strong. And steady. His legs needs to heal but his hand is back up to snuff. I've been texting as much as possible to get it limber again.

[citizendetective]

So I'm helping you, right now?

[greatoldjohn]

Yes.

As is talking to you.

I *have* missed you.

jfc self why

[citizendetective]

Don't you think it's weird that this is what made us talk again?

Re: jfc self why

[greatoldjohn]

It's been a week, Misty.

We were going to talk today anyway.

[citizendetective]

I know, but then this happened and I figured we'd never talk again.

I don't think it's weird, for the record. I'm just surprised that you don't.

[greatoldjohn]

...Arthur and I have been through some shit, Misty.

Not to minimize the shitty thing you two did but...

We're handling it.

[citizendetective]

You've gotten a lot more angry with me for a lot less, is my point.

[greatoldjohn]

Okay, first off? I want to be sure:

What do you think I've gotten angry at you about?

[citizendetective]

Didn't we already cover this? Misunderstandings, assumptions on both our parts, etcetera.

[greatoldjohn]

No, I don't think we did.

I talked about things I take issue with. But I want to know what you think I got angry at you for. I don't think assuming anything's been covered is a good idea. Because I only got angry once.

[citizendetective]

Okay.

Because Arthur didn't like me.

[greatoldjohn]

No, I was never angry at you for that. I also wasn't angry about it.

Disappointed, but not angry. And not in you. I know Arthur is difficult.

I also know he's willing to forgive others. So I knew it wasn't necessarily permanent.

And before you assume: it's still not necessarily permanent.

[citizendetective]

So am I, depending on the circumstances. Was it because you assumed I wasn't?