IC contact for lastvoyages

[citizendetective]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Misty's door.]

Comments

[greatoldjohn]

Go for it.

[citizendetective]

Do you think I matter to her at all?

[greatoldjohn]

[ There's a longer pause than usual. ]

Yes, I do.

I think this was a plan to try and detach both of us from her. Potentially to get us squabbling so she could slink away from both relationships.

[citizendetective]

Which is also something she might do if she just wanted to be rid of us.

[greatoldjohn]

She *did* want to get rid of us.

I chose to tell her to fuck herself on that score.

What you decide is up to you.

[citizendetective]

I mean get rid of us because she's sick of us, not because she's guilt-ridden and has low self-esteem.

[greatoldjohn]

Oh.

I don't think that was it.

But you'd have to ask her yourself. I won't speak for her.

[citizendetective]

Okay.

How are you doing?

[greatoldjohn]

Okay now.

I've never cried before.

It was...

Different.

[citizendetective]

Were you capable of crying before?

[greatoldjohn]

I don't know.

It never came up.

[citizendetective]

Lucky you. It's really awful.

[greatoldjohn]

Not really.

I was a being apart, apathetic to all.

I'd rather cry than not have anything to cry about.

[citizendetective]

I'd rather not have anything to cry about.

[greatoldjohn]

You'd rather not have your Team, Natalie included?

I don't think so.

That's what I mean, though.

[citizendetective]

That's not what I meant. I'd rather be someone who never cries, no matter what happens.

[greatoldjohn]

I have been that.

I never want to be it again.

It requires a level of apathy that removes all the joy, all the wonder, all the beauty from the world. It is antithetical to love or purpose or meaning.

The tears were awful. But I shed them because I love Arthur. And the thought of him dying alone, in the dark, without me, was too much to bear without them.

[citizendetective]

I think I could find that level of apathy really easily.

[greatoldjohn]

I'm not sure. But I hope you don't.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

It's existence, Misty. It's not life.

[citizendetective]

Well, it helps if you don't think of it as apathy. That's a really negative word.

[greatoldjohn]

That doesn't help anything but help you lie to yourself.

Misty, you're worrying me. Why would you want that?

[citizendetective]

I don't always, it's complicated. Ideally I'd like to be able to fully turn it on and off.

[greatoldjohn]

That's not how it works.

It literally can't.

You'll only destroy yourself or those you care for.

[citizendetective]

I don't know, I can sort of do it.

[Turning it back on is harder than turning it off, who knew.]

[greatoldjohn]

You can do it. I don't doubt that.

But it will only cause you misery in the end.